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A PART OF ME DIED IN SOUTHEAST ASIA

Added on by Jason Lam.

At the risk of sounding overly dramatic, I feel like a part of me died out in SE Asia.

But in a good way.

It wasn’t until prolonged travel that I finally had the quiet space and time to realize how I’ve been holding on to a certain identity I felt I had to cling onto for the past ten years of my life.

For those of you who don’t know, I want to be a photographer, but not just any photographer, I want to be cool. I want to have a stark style that people can recognize from a mile away. From my time in the industry, the established photographers always seemed to have a sort of enigma that if done correctly, could outlive them even after they were gone. 

Irving Penn, Mary Ellen Mark, and Peter Lindbergh, just to name a few. 

I want that.

At least, I wanted that.

But here’s the problem, it can be very limiting to hold yourself to the confines of just one version of you. 

Really? Do you really want to just be that guy that wears all black and takes stark black and white photos? 

Do you really need to be that “cool”? 

Is that necessary? Or could you maybe just let it all go, be yourself, and let the pieces fall where they may?

I think I can. 

To be honest, I don’t think I have much else of a choice.

Identity is a tricky thing if you are trying to craft one in an industry whose sole purpose is to make money.

"You need to brand yourself," they say. 

"People need to know what you do in two seconds or less."

"If you’re everywhere you’re nowhere."

So we limit ourselves, for monetary purposes.

It works. 

Our lives are too complicated to process all the incoming information the world has to offer. So we do what we do best, simplify. We simplify people down to one thing. We do this out of necessity, even if it’s not true or accurate. Even if it’s ourselves.

We think of Michael Jordan as the basketball player, not the father, not the cigar enthusiast, not the son who had to struggle with the untimely death of his father. He’s the basketball player.

I wanted to think of myself as the raw, stark, black and white photographer. I think I’d like that. It strokes my ego. I’d love to be acknowledged for that. But I’m also the quirky Asian-American kid who likes taking care of my plants. I like cracking jokes. I’m a huge fan of comedy, improv acting, and music. Occasionally, I’ll indulge in coffee. Oh, and I like to travel and write, obviously. 

What about all those things? At what point is it not worth it to simplify yourself into a limiting identity for the sake of profits, or even worse, ego?

At the end of the day, we are everything. I am everything. From my birth, to my hopes and dreams, to the heartbreaks, the quirky little hobbies, career aspirations, and everything else in between. Where do we draw the line? When is it no longer worth trying to craft an image? Particularly if it’s simply not working?

Rejection. 

This might sound contradictory, but rejection can be freeing. 

The best example I can think of that relates most to this topic is when you’re lovestruck.

You’ve just met the hottest girl in the world. You’re so enamored with her, you bend over backwards trying to craft yourself into becoming the best version of yourself to get the girl. But despite all your efforts, she still rejects you. Sure, it will suck for a couple of days, maybe even weeks, but afterwards, you are also free. Why? Because now you have no choice but to be yourself. There’s no more need to put up a facade when that facade clearly isn’t working. 

My attempts to craft myself into a singular image failed. It has, in fact, failed multiple times. 

Barely Evolved Apes, and I Think I'm Just Lonely, just to name a few.

So then what? 

After the initial sulking period, I woke up and realized, "Cool, I don’t have to contort myself anymore. I can just be. Who am I? I just am. I’m not my name. I’m not my job. I’m not my projects. I just am."

A part of me died in SE Asia. All these identities I’ve crafted for myself. Gone. All these concepts of who I should be in order to be better, to get forward in life, and to generate income. Failed. Heartbreak sucks, but it’s freeing. I now feel a level of lightness I’ve never felt before. 

I’m no longer holding my breath. 

And with this metaphoric death, I feel a new space has opened up in my life. 

One that just is. For me to just be.

by Jason Lam

TRAVEL = HOMEWORK

Added on by Jason Lam.

I take travel very seriously. Sure, it’s fun and it can include moments of relaxing on the beach and eating delicious foods, but to me, it’s about learning about the world and growing as an individual. If it wasn’t for travel, I would not have experienced many of the things that make me who I am today. 

Each time I travel, I enter a place I’ve never been before. I am entering the darkness, and by doing so voluntarily, I grow stronger, more confident, and more proud of myself and my capabilities. Whether it’s volunteering at a farm and learning how to grow rice, learning about the history of Angkor Wat, or just trying to find a place to sleep despite being lost in translation, I am gathering more information and expanding the landscape of not just where I’ve been physically, but where I’m going mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. 

While on the rare occasion, I will treat myself to a nicer room just for an opportunity to have some privacy and to recharge, as I’m writing this, I am cramped in a tiny bed at a hostel that costs $5 dollars a night. It’s not glamorous at all and the showers are cold. But that’s fine, this is part of what traveling is about. 

Travel is homework, and I want to keep learning and studying for the rest of my life. 

by Jason Lam

MY FIRST TIME IN CAMBODIA

Added on by Jason Lam.

First off, wow! It is hot here in Cambodia. It’s been a consistent 93 degrees Fahrenheit for the past 2 weeks.

I’ll be honest, Cambodia didn’t blow me away when I first arrived. As I’ve been told by all the travelers I meet here in Southeast Asia, their favorite countries are either Thailand or Vietnam. I guess Cambodia is overshadowed by its neighbors, but to be a little more specific, it’s not that Cambodia is not an interesting or a fun place to travel, I think it just lacks the immediate appeal of places such as Thailand.

I started off this trip flying into Phnom Penh, the capital of Cambodia. It’s a busy place. It also didn’t help that I stayed at a hostel situated amongst all the bars. Regardless, I had to come here because I wanted to visit the killing fields. I felt it was only appropriate that I come and learn about the Cambodian genocide from 1975 to 1979 and pay my respects.

From there, I went to Kampot, a sleepy town in the Southwestern tip of Cambodia. It’s got a charm of its own and has a nice river you can hang out by. If you’re looking to get away from the hustle and bustle of Phnom Penh for a weekend, this is where you’d come. I felt this was more a place for couples but I still liked it. I mean, it has a giant durian statue right in the middle of town! Oh, and renting a scooter and going up to Booker Hill and La Plantation to learn about the delicious local Kampot peppers was cool too. Granted, the tour itself was kind of underwhelming, but I always enjoy the opportunity to hop on a scooter and explore a new city at my own pace.

After Kampot, I went to Siem Reap, because duh, Angkor Wat. You have to come to Angkor Wat! I honestly didn’t think I was going to be as impressed as I was, but it blew me away. It’s so funny because you’d think I’d be sick of temples by now, but they’re all so different and have charms of their own. From the temples in Chiang Mai, to the white, blue and black temple in Chiang Rai, the pagodas in Bagan, and now Angkor Wat in Siem Reap, which is in a league of its own. Wow. I still need to research how they built such a magnificent monument to the gods such a long time ago.

I liked Siem Reap. I would come back to Siem reap and I would suggest it to others as well. It’s nowhere near as busy as Phnom Penh, and it’s got a nice balance between tourists and locals. Overall, it’s an easy entry point into Cambodia that won’t overwhelm you.

Still, I wasn’t quite in love with Cambodia yet, until I came to Battambang, the country’s unofficial cultural capital. I was only going to come here if I had the extra time, and I’m so glad I did. There are several reasons why I like Battambang. First off, the early 20th-century French architecture is beautiful. There are also many boutique shops, art galleries, and cafes that are easy to explore on foot. At night, you can have a delicious dinner right along the Sangker river, and if you’re looking for a bit of nature, you can head over to Phnom Sampeau. The pace of life is slower here, and it also seems the smog isn’t as bad as the rest of Cambodia. 

I’m glad I found Battambang. Originally, I thought it was going to be just another city to do touristy things like seeing the bat cave or hopping on the bamboo train. However, I didn’t find many tourists at all. Of course, there are the restaurants and bars catered towards foreigners, but it’s manageable, you never feel like you’re being pushed to all the tourist places.

I enjoyed just hanging around the city and being able to talk to the shop owners when I managed to find someone who spoke English. The economy hasn’t been very good this year so I guess they’re happy that a tourist like me would still come and provide some business. 

Some interesting things I’ve found here are taro imperial rolls, a really delicious grilled fish cake wrapped in banana leaf, a dessert similar to bua loi in Thailand, and of course, the Khmer coffee, which I’ve found out is made with robusta beans versus the more commonly used arabica bean in the United States. It’s also the same one used for Vietnamese coffee which I’m sure I will have a lot of when I make my way over there. 

So, should you come to Cambodia? I’d say yes but set your expectations. This is one of Southeast Asia’s poorest countries. The people here aren’t as outgoing as those in Thailand, but it doesn’t mean they aren’t anymore nice. Just takes a little more time to open up, as I’ve experienced. If you have a limited amount of time, just go to Siem reap, if you have at least 2 more days to spare, come to Battambang and experience why I like it here so much. Lastly, if your heart desires, make your way down to Phnom Penh to pay homage and learn about the genocide that happened here from 1975-1979. It was a very dark period in their history but I also feel it puts everything in perspective here and overall just makes you more grateful for everything you have in your life. 

Until next time Cambodia.

by Jason Lam

MY FAVORITE THINGS ABOUT CAMBODIA

Added on by Jason Lam.

Fish Amok

They have baguettes here

Iced Cambodian coffee - It’s got a deep sweetness I’ve never tasted before

The hand gestures of the Royal Ballet of Cambodia

Hammocks - They’re everywhere

Beef Lok Lak

Kampot peppers are very flavorful here

Banana flower salad

Taro imperial rolls

Oh, yeah, Angkor Wat is pretty epic

by Jason Lam

MY TOP 10 FAVORITE TRAVEL ITEMS

Added on by Jason Lam.
  1. Apple AirPods Pro - Small, lightweight, and it has noise cancellation. Absolutely clutch when wanting to cut out the cabin noise on the airplane and the occasional snorer in the hostel. The longest battery life is only about 4-5 hours, but it’s enough to get you back into your slumber. I used these every single day. Sleeping, working, commuting, everything. I’m so glad I brought these with me and I will never travel without them.

  2. Toothpaste Tablets - Discovered these at a craft fair in Bangkok when shopping for Christmas gifts for my family. I thought it may have been gimmicky, but after trying it once, I absolutely loved it. It’s so much easier than toothpaste. Just pop one in your mouth, chew it a couple times until it foams up and then just brush your teeth like normal. 

  3. Hanging Toiletry Bag - This was a huge upgrade from the crappy little mesh bag I’ve been using for the past 6 years that didn’t even have separate compartments. I got this after my friend recommended it as the best toiletry bag he’s ever used and I couldn’t agree more. It’s designed with so many separate compartments which makes organization a breeze. The built-in hook is super convenient, and it also comes in many different colors to fit your style.

  4. Anker PowerPort Cube - You usually encounter two problems when traveling. Not enough outlets, or for some reason, there isn’t enough space to plug your device in properly. This powerport gives you 4 outlets and 3 USB plugs. It’s designed so that if you have an awkwardly shaped device (like those giant apple mags), there will still be enough space to plug in. Comes with a velcro strap to keep the cable tidy and is a lifesaver when I have to charge multiple things at once.

  5. Lacie 4 TB Hard Drive - Not the smallest but easy to use, fast, and impact resistant. You probably don’t need two 4TB hard drives like me, but I shoot a lot of video, and having an extra backup lets me sleep better at night. I also like that they’re bright orange so they’re easy to find.

  6. Black Diamond Spot Head Lamp - I’ve always used these when traveling. They come in most handy when you need to dig through your luggage in the dark in your hostel dorm and you don’t want to wake everyone up. It has also come in handy when I’m riding a bicycle at night, or doing any sort of hiking activity that involves going into darker areas like a cave. Also, sometimes hostel beds won’t have an individual light, so the headlamp can be used as a lamp as well. This one also has the option of adjusting the brightness which is nice.

  7. Patagonia Nano-Air Jacket - It’s soft, lightweight, has a hoodie in case you get caught in the rain, and the pockets have zippers so you never have to worry about your personal items falling out. It makes going throuhg airport security a breeze because I can just dump everything in the pockets, zip them up, and throw the entire jacket through the scanner. It can also be packed anywhere + turn into a pillow. It’s not cheap, but a very worthwhile investment. 

  8. Daily Contact Lenses - I wear contact lenses, I used to use monthly ones where I’d have to carry around a contact lens case and solution. That was troublesome because it not only takes up more space, but sometimes it’s hard to find contact solution! With dailies, you never have that problem. Daily contact lenses can also be easily found and purchased in many places in Asia which is also a plus.

  9. Tarp Bag for Dirty Laundry - It’s just easier to have a separate compartment for your dirty laundry. This one is very compact, and has a draw string to keep everything in place. It makes doing my laundry super easy and also keeps my luggage nice and organized. Otherwise, i might accidentally wear the same dirty clothes twice, which i’ve done before. Gross, I know.

  10. Apple iPhone - I brought my laptop and barely used it. My iPhone was absolutely necessary to easily finding all the places I wanted to go. Make sure it’s unlocked and you will have no problem buying a SIM card and getting internet service wherever you are in the world.

by Jason Lam

PEANUT BUTTER

Added on by Jason Lam.

To say peanut butter is one of the things I miss the most when traveling abroad would be a lie. I never think about peanut butter. In fact, I don’t remember the last time I had peanut butter back in the states. But that doesn’t change the fact that when I had a chance to order peanut butter + toast at my hostel here in Phnom Penh, Cambodia, I felt full to my heart. 

Peanut butter just has this roasted flavor profile that warms my soul. Coupled with the satisfying crunch as you bite into the toast, it’s a one way shot into childhood nostalgia, Saturday-morning cartoons, and playing dodgeball with my friends at the playground — Even the quieter moments when I just wanted a late-night snack. Peanut butter was always there for me.

I guess it makes sense as to why I’d feel all these feelings of love as I took my first bite of peanut butter + toast in perhaps months or years. I find it peculiar that something that’s had such a large presence in my life is not something I feel more drawn to on the regular basis.

Perhaps that’s part of its charm. No matter where you go, someone always has a jar of peanut butter in their cabinet. It’s always there for you. It doesn’t call attention to itself, but when you need it, it does the job every single time. 

That must be why this one chance to eat a slice of peanut butter + toast is so heartwarming. It’s giving me a stable place of memories and experiences that I can hold onto as I continue my travels across Southeast Asia. No matter where I am, and no matter how lost in translation I get, I know peanut butter will always be there for me.

Now, I think I need a glass of milk.

by Jason Lam

THE KILLING FIELDS

Added on by Jason Lam.

On my first day in Cambodia, I went to visit the Killing Fields and the S-21 museum. I knew nothing about Cambodia before I got here. I’ve never met anyone from Cambodia. I don’t have any Cambodian friends. I’ve never had any Cambodian cuisine. Unlike more popular Southeast Asian destinations like Thailand, or Vietnam, I also don’t know anybody that has been to Cambodia. 

Most people come to Cambodia to see Angkor Wat. I will do that, but I felt it was important to pay homage to the victims of the Khmer Rouge regime from 1975 to 1979 first, and that’s what the Killing Fields is about. 

The official name for the Killing Fields in Phnom Penh is called the “Chong Ek Genocide Center,” and it is only one of the hundreds of killing sites throughout Cambodia. 

When you enter, they give you a headset so you can do a self-guided walking tour. Once again, aside from the fact that I knew people come to see Angkor Wat, I knew nothing about Cambodia. Let alone, what the killing fields were about, why it happened, and who the Khmer Rouge was. 

But that’s why I travel. Not just for the amazing scenery, not just for the food, but to learn more about humanity, and hopefully, to come out a better, more open-minded, and compassionate person as a result. 

At the Choeung Ek Killing Field alone, an estimated 17,000 people died. All shuttled in by the truckload, and lied to that they were being transported to “new homes” so as to prevent any protests during transportation. When the victims arrive, often at night, the sound of the rumbling generators powering the floodlights would drown out the sounds of anyone being killed.

One by one, they were told to kneel before the pits dug into the ground as they were then executed, either by an axe, or a metal rod. Bullets were seldom used because they were expensive.

The most jarring point I learned was that of the sugar palm. That’s right. A palm tree. Little did I know, the older leaves located at the lower parts of the sugar palm have edges as sharp as knives. Sometimes, peoples’ necks were slit on those very edges. 

There are other gruesome details that I learned of that day that I won’t go into, but this is precisely why I travel. I enjoy the new foods, the new cultures, the beautiful sights, and the sounds, but at its core, I travel to learn.

The most disturbing thing about it all is the fact that this wasn’t very long ago. The Khmer Rouge committed this act of genocide from 1975-1979. This means any Cambodian past the age of 41 lived through this terrible time in history, many of whom lost their family members to the hands of propaganda and extreme ideology.

I know when it comes to travel, many of us look to get away from it all and to relax, but if given the opportunity, I suggest taking the time to stop and learn about the history if possible. Particularly, if you are coming to Cambodia, take the time to visit the Killing Fields and the S-21 museum.

by Jason Lam

BURMESE TEA HOUSES

Added on by Jason Lam.

I really love the tea houses in Myanmar. The majority of them are open-air, with tables and chairs set up under a large shade structure. The cups of milk tea are tiny, which is a pity because it always leaves me wanting more. Then again, it’s probably a good thing because they’re also much more caffeinated than normal tea.

In addition to tea, you can order food. You can have a substantial meal and order a bowl of mohinga (rice noodles in fish broth) or keep it simple and just order one of the many delicious pastries (the fried banana crepe was one of my favorites, though a little oily). 

The overall atmosphere is very casual. I feel very welcome here, in a very non-dramatic type of way.

If anything, the tea house is a necessity because it gets so hot in the middle of the day. It’s the perfect place to recharge before returning to work. Oh, and nobody is on their laptops, which is a nice change.

Cheers to the Burmese tea house.

by Jason Lam

MY FAVORITE THINGS ABOUT MYANMAR

Added on by Jason Lam.

Tea houses

Thanaka powder

Shan noodles

Shwe yin aye - My favorite dessert ever!

The traditional garments the men and women wear

Song of Travel Hostel in Nyaung Shwe

Fusion of Chinese and Indian. I met so many Burmese ppl who could speak Chinese, I loved it

by Jason Lam

INLE LAKE

Added on by Jason Lam.

I found my stay at Inle Lake, Myanmar, very rejuvenating. At first, I thought maybe it was going to be another tourist trap but I was nicely mistaken. I stayed at the Song of Travel Hostel and loved their hospitality. Little things like delicious complimentary breakfast and seeing the sun peek over the mountains in the mornings really made my day. Though the roads are a little dusty, it’s a nice contrast from the bustling Yangon and it’s quiet as well. For travelers looking for tons of action and stimulation, this might not be the place, but if you are looking to go at a slower pace, you might want to look into coming here. Oh, and don’t forget to take the cooking class at Bamboo Delight, it was one of my most memorable experiences ever.

by Jason Lam

YANGON

Added on by Jason Lam.

I love it here, and I don’t remember the last time I felt that feeling. That sense of knowing you like a place as soon as you touch down. The last time I felt that way was when I first visited NYC. Or when I first stepped foot on the UCLA campus. There are things your body knows, without your brain being able to rationalize it, but I’ll try to explain it here. 

Yangon is a very unique place. Myanmar, as a whole, didn’t open its borders to foreigners until 2012. Granted, it seems a lot of tourism has developed since then because when I first looked into coming here, there was no information on hostels on the internet and it was quite difficult to plan a trip. 

There are no 7-11s. No Starbucks. No Walmarts. Even the cars are nothing to be wowed by. To be honest, the traffic is quite bad. The trains are slow. The sidewalks are all stained with beetle nut juice, and you often have to watch out for potholes.

So why would I love it here?

In one word, authenticity.

You just don’t feel bombarded with any sort of materialistic trend tainting this place with its own agendas. While I’m not a fan of how difficult it is to cross the street here, or how often the cars honk, I don’t mind it because there is also a beautiful melody to its seeming chaos. 

I love the sights and sounds. I could probably stand on the side of the road and people watch all day, and I haven’t even mentioned the Thanaka powder yet! Jeez, I can stare at all the variations people come up with for hours on end. It’s an endless source of inspiration for me. 

The men wear “longyi”, which is essentially a long skirt that they tie in front of their waist. The majority of women wear traditional garments as well. I love seeing all this because as someone who comes from San Francisco, which is now the most expensive city in the USA and the current hub for the latest technological trends, it’s refreshing to see that there is a place where people are holding onto their traditions, and still doing it with pride in this day and age.

This is not to say that tradition should never change. Change is the only constant we have in life, and it is only normal that every society will continue to progress and make improvements. Given enough time, Yangon, too, will have smoothed out pavements, 7-11s, and god forbid, a Starbucks might even open to try and compete with their already delicious coffees and teas. Wait a minute, are 7-11s and Starbucks really improvements?! Maybe those aren’t the best examples.

My point: It makes me feel good, happy, and gives me a sigh of relief to see people not just holding onto, but living out their traditions and deeply rooted identities with pride. 

I think, as an Asian-American, I often feel like my identity is watered down. I’m Chinese, but not very Chinese. I’m American, but also not very American. So perhaps, I’m a little more sensitive to seeing people who are not only from the land, but move, dress, and talk of the land. Whereas I need to find this weird balance that I’ve never been able to find. And that’s fine, that makes me who I am. I’m like an uprooted plant placed in an unusual environment, I guess?

This place is just so inspiring. So different. So unique. And really, aside from the honking cars and the traffic. If you really listen. It’s not that busy. People aren’t yelling at one another. Nobody is being aggressive, not even when a car prevents people from safely crossing the street. Large pagodas are present around the city. And it seems the feelings of modernity, work, and beliefs in a higher being all play together seamlessly.

Still, I know. I am an outsider looking in. I’m romanticizing. But I’m also speaking from my own experience. I’ve traveled to a good amount of cities. Most cities are nice. But most cities don’t give me the feeling that Yangon gives me. 

It feels like home, like when my parents took me to China every summer as a kid, but it’s not. It feels like someone put me in a time machine and threw me into the past, but it’s the present. It feels like maybe I should’ve been drinking Burmese tea much earlier on but I’m just drinking it now and it’s blowing my mind. It seems that my continual itch to come to Myanmar all these years is justified. I was meant to come to Yangon. This city has a rhythm of its own that life needed me to experience, and I love it.

by Jason Lam

SE ASIA JOURNAL - 1: THIS TIME AROUND

Added on by Jason Lam.

This time around, traveling abroad feels very different from all my trips before.

This time, it feels less about the destination and more about the way I move across the world as I hop from country to country. 

I feel in my earlier travels I was often reaching for something. Reaching for epic adventures, expecting to be blown away, and as cliche as it sounds, wanting for a trip abroad to change my life.

Sure, I’m still excited to see the pagodas in Myanmar, play with the elephants in Thailand, and eat some bún riêu in Vietnam, but I notice I am not putting too much hope and emphasis on it.

This time around, it’s not about where I’m going, it’s about how I’m going.

by Jason Lam