BURMESE TEA HOUSES

I really love the tea houses in Myanmar. The majority of them are open-air, with tables and chairs set up under a large shade structure. The cups of milk tea are tiny, which is a pity because it always leaves me wanting more. Then again, it’s probably a good thing because they’re also much more caffeinated than normal tea.

In addition to tea, you can order food. You can have a substantial meal and order a bowl of mohinga (rice noodles in fish broth) or keep it simple and just order one of the many delicious pastries (the fried banana crepe was one of my favorites, though a little oily). 

The overall atmosphere is very casual. I feel very welcome here, in a very non-dramatic type of way.

If anything, the tea house is a necessity because it gets so hot in the middle of the day. It’s the perfect place to recharge before returning to work. Oh, and nobody is on their laptops, which is a nice change.

Cheers to the Burmese tea house.

by Jason Lam

MY FAVORITE THINGS ABOUT MYANMAR

Tea houses

Thanaka powder

Shan noodles

Shwe yin aye - My favorite dessert ever!

The traditional garments the men and women wear

Song of Travel Hostel in Nyaung Shwe

Fusion of Chinese and Indian. I met so many Burmese ppl who could speak Chinese, I loved it

by Jason Lam

MY BEST WORK

My best work is often not the ideas that I think up in my head.

More often, my best work is the discoveries I make along the way towards the ideas.

I think my creative process works this way because the things I discover along the way are things that my body naturally reacts to, versus an idea conjured up in my mind and further justified with cerebral reasons as to why it is good.

My body knows when something is good, without me even being able to explain why. 

And so one might think that maybe it’s not so good to come up with any ideas. Maybe it’s better to just run adrift and wait for the body to react. 

Not quite.

It’s important to still have ideas. You need something to work towards. It’s more so that you should also be aware of the ideas that present themselves to you along the way. Be in tune with your body and how it reacts to the new potentials that you were not able to think of with just your brain alone.

With practice, you will be able to merge both mind and body, and hopefully, if practiced long enough and consistent enough. Your work, your best work can be conjured up from your being. Not just your mind. Not just your body. But your whole being in unison.

My best work. 

by Jason Lam

INLE LAKE

I found my stay at Inle Lake, Myanmar, very rejuvenating. At first, I thought maybe it was going to be another tourist trap but I was nicely mistaken. I stayed at the Song of Travel Hostel and loved their hospitality. Little things like delicious complimentary breakfast and seeing the sun peek over the mountains in the mornings really made my day. Though the roads are a little dusty, it’s a nice contrast from the bustling Yangon and it’s quiet as well. For travelers looking for tons of action and stimulation, this might not be the place, but if you are looking to go at a slower pace, you might want to look into coming here. Oh, and don’t forget to take the cooking class at Bamboo Delight, it was one of my most memorable experiences ever.

by Jason Lam

YANGON

I love it here, and I don’t remember the last time I felt that feeling. That sense of knowing you like a place as soon as you touch down. The last time I felt that way was when I first visited NYC. Or when I first stepped foot on the UCLA campus. There are things your body knows, without your brain being able to rationalize it, but I’ll try to explain it here. 

Yangon is a very unique place. Myanmar, as a whole, didn’t open its borders to foreigners until 2012. Granted, it seems a lot of tourism has developed since then because when I first looked into coming here, there was no information on hostels on the internet and it was quite difficult to plan a trip. 

There are no 7-11s. No Starbucks. No Walmarts. Even the cars are nothing to be wowed by. To be honest, the traffic is quite bad. The trains are slow. The sidewalks are all stained with beetle nut juice, and you often have to watch out for potholes.

So why would I love it here?

In one word, authenticity.

You just don’t feel bombarded with any sort of materialistic trend tainting this place with its own agendas. While I’m not a fan of how difficult it is to cross the street here, or how often the cars honk, I don’t mind it because there is also a beautiful melody to its seeming chaos. 

I love the sights and sounds. I could probably stand on the side of the road and people watch all day, and I haven’t even mentioned the Thanaka powder yet! Jeez, I can stare at all the variations people come up with for hours on end. It’s an endless source of inspiration for me. 

The men wear “longyi”, which is essentially a long skirt that they tie in front of their waist. The majority of women wear traditional garments as well. I love seeing all this because as someone who comes from San Francisco, which is now the most expensive city in the USA and the current hub for the latest technological trends, it’s refreshing to see that there is a place where people are holding onto their traditions, and still doing it with pride in this day and age.

This is not to say that tradition should never change. Change is the only constant we have in life, and it is only normal that every society will continue to progress and make improvements. Given enough time, Yangon, too, will have smoothed out pavements, 7-11s, and god forbid, a Starbucks might even open to try and compete with their already delicious coffees and teas. Wait a minute, are 7-11s and Starbucks really improvements?! Maybe those aren’t the best examples.

My point: It makes me feel good, happy, and gives me a sigh of relief to see people not just holding onto, but living out their traditions and deeply rooted identities with pride. 

I think, as an Asian-American, I often feel like my identity is watered down. I’m Chinese, but not very Chinese. I’m American, but also not very American. So perhaps, I’m a little more sensitive to seeing people who are not only from the land, but move, dress, and talk of the land. Whereas I need to find this weird balance that I’ve never been able to find. And that’s fine, that makes me who I am. I’m like an uprooted plant placed in an unusual environment, I guess?

This place is just so inspiring. So different. So unique. And really, aside from the honking cars and the traffic. If you really listen. It’s not that busy. People aren’t yelling at one another. Nobody is being aggressive, not even when a car prevents people from safely crossing the street. Large pagodas are present around the city. And it seems the feelings of modernity, work, and beliefs in a higher being all play together seamlessly.

Still, I know. I am an outsider looking in. I’m romanticizing. But I’m also speaking from my own experience. I’ve traveled to a good amount of cities. Most cities are nice. But most cities don’t give me the feeling that Yangon gives me. 

It feels like home, like when my parents took me to China every summer as a kid, but it’s not. It feels like someone put me in a time machine and threw me into the past, but it’s the present. It feels like maybe I should’ve been drinking Burmese tea much earlier on but I’m just drinking it now and it’s blowing my mind. It seems that my continual itch to come to Myanmar all these years is justified. I was meant to come to Yangon. This city has a rhythm of its own that life needed me to experience, and I love it.

by Jason Lam

PLAY IT WRONG

Getting good at life is like getting good at a new game. 

You’ve got to be very bad at it first.

In improv class, one of the first things we learn how to do is fail.

Every time we fail, we don’t drop our heads in shame and never try again.

Instead, we throw our hands up in the air and say, “Yay!”

Next time you need to tackle a new skill, assignment, or creative idea, be intentional about the fact that you will have to play it wrong first. 

Not because you suck. 

But because it’s all part of the game of life.

Now throw your hands in the air and say, “Yay!”

by Jason Lam

CHOREOGRAPHY OF LIFE

I think we are all choreographers, even if you cannot do a proper pirouette or plié. If you don’t know what those things are, that’s fine, I can’t do them, and I had a hard time spelling them too. (They’re French ballet moves)

But what is choreography if not just a different word for a plan?

We all think. We all have ideas. We all act on those ideas. We are all choreographers of our own lives. One step leads to another, and as our actions are strung together we end up with our unique storyline with a beginning, middle and end. 

The choreography I am talking about, as you may have guessed, is not limited to dance on a stage, but the choreography of our daily activities. Do you make your bed in the mornings? Do you give your loved ones a hug? Do you cook yourself dinner? Or do you leave your living space unkept, look at your phone before you look at your spouse, and binge on fast food and TV dinners? 

Whatever the case is, I am using the word choreography because we all have the ability to make plans and act on them. I use the word choreography because it comes with it an air of skill and capability, which we all have. I use the word choreography because there really is a beauty in how everyone decides to pursue the art of living. 

We are all the choreographers of our lives. What are some “moves” you’ve come up with in your own choreography of life that has been of benefit to you?

by Jason Lam

WHAT DO YOU NEVER REGRET DOING?

I never regret going for a swim. I never regret following through on an artistic project. I never regret traveling abroad. I never regret catching up with friends. I never regret road trips. I never regret challenging myself and learning something new.

In a world with more possibilities than ever, it may be hard to figure out the answer to the age-old question, “What should I do with my life?” To be honest, that question can be a problem itself. So let’s reframe the question and ask instead, “What do you never regret doing?”

I like this question because it allows us to take inventory of the things we already enjoy. Maybe you don’t know what to do with your life and that could be quite daunting, but maybe you can find comfort in the fact that there are already many things you want to keep in your life moving forward.

When trying to determine what we want to do in the future, it’s easy to feel like we need to fill it with epic activities. But that overlooks many less dramatic and noteworthy things that could still lead to a life well-lived. For example, being able to come back to a comfy home, going for a drive along the beach, and being able to take a wide variety of classes at the local city college. Those are all things I want to keep in my life.

By reframing one of life’s biggest questions in this manner, you may find that you already know what you want to do with your life. Moving forward may not be so much about attaining what you don’t have, but about building a life around what you already do.

What do you never regret doing? 

Start there.

by Jason Lam

PAY THE PRICE

You don’t get to not pay a price in life.

We all pay a price, even if it’s just the ticking of time.

What you get to do, however, is to choose which price you want to pay.

In figuring out one’s direction in life, we’re most often asked what we want to do. Passions and so forth. But another way to ask this question is this, "What is a price I am willing to pay?"

Because there will be obstacles and things you do not want to do as you move towards any worthwhile goal.

Many people want to be musicians and actors and chefs but are not willing to pay the price.

What are you actually willing to do?

Separate from your end goals, what price are you willing to pay?

Pay the price.

by Jason Lam

THE INVISIBLE SIGNATURE

Create through the essence of who you are

Not through the fulfillment of what you think you should be 

Some spend entire lifetimes chasing this imaginary role only to find they are no happier than before

To find your essence you must let go 

Let go of ideas and goals you had for yourself 

Quit endeavors that do not speak to you 

Kill the you of yesterday

Abandon your “best” ideas

Let go in order to rediscover yourself

Watch yourself being 

Like that of a child

And when you rediscover yourself you must remember to create from that place of raw integrity 

That is how you find the signature in your work 

The invisible signature

by Jason Lam

MY FAVORITE THINGS ABOUT THAILAND

Mango sticky rice

Khao soi

Bua loi

Egg wrapped pad thai

Thai massage

The Mae Hong Son loop!

Indigo dying is huge here

Thai kickboxing classes

The beautiful beaches at Koh Lanta!

And the people, they are so nice =)

by Jason Lam

WHEN

When you say you’re not trying to be cool but you actually are

When you say you don’t care but you actually care

When you turn around and walk away but really you wanted to stay

When you yell and scream but all you wanted was a hug

When IG follow counts don’t matter but you try to get followers anyway

When you say whatever, I never liked her anyway, when actually you’re in love

When you travel across the world, though everything you needed was right within your reach

When you look to save the world when all you needed was to save yourself

When you say you don’t know what to do with your life but really deep down inside you do

When you’re scared shitless of the life you want to live

When you try to be somebody else, when all you ever needed to be was yourself

by Jason Lam

IMAGES THAT THINK

I never want my photos to be just about technical perfection.

I once flipped through a book about Rembrandt’s paintings and the author wrote about how his portraits go beyond just the famed “Rembrandt lighting” that we all know so well.

Rembrandt’s portraits are beautiful, but it’s not just because of the lighting. They’re beautiful because you can feel the subjects thinking. His photos have a spirit of their own that transcends technique.

Despite the 2-dimensional construct, you can feel a human presence beating through the canvas.

Rembrandt didn’t just create beautiful images, he created beautiful images that think.

That's what I hope to capture as I dive deeper into my work.

by Jason Lam

PUT YOUR NAME ON IT

I used to write my name underneath all my toys. I thought it was fun. I learned it from watching Toy Story.

In elementary school, they always tell you to sign and date your drawings.

We also did the same in my after-school painting classes.

After I got older, it seemed a little odd to slap my name on things unless it was on a canvas.

For example, to put my name on a shirt seems a little self-involved.

Still, I think it’s important to find a way to take pride in your name.

And no, that doesn’t mean you must start putting it everywhere.

But one shouldn’t be afraid of standing for something, nor should you be afraid to say, “Yeah, I made that!”

Perhaps, because I’m Asian, so I come with a sense of humbleness that I can’t really shake.

But I want to take pride in my name, so I will put my name on things.

And I don’t want to hide anymore, nor will I intentionally leave my name out of things that I clearly had a hand in.

by Jason Lam

SE ASIA JOURNAL - 1: THIS TIME AROUND

This time around, traveling abroad feels very different from all my trips before.

This time, it feels less about the destination and more about the way I move across the world as I hop from country to country. 

I feel in my earlier travels I was often reaching for something. Reaching for epic adventures, expecting to be blown away, and as cliche as it sounds, wanting for a trip abroad to change my life.

Sure, I’m still excited to see the pagodas in Myanmar, play with the elephants in Thailand, and eat some bún riêu in Vietnam, but I notice I am not putting too much hope and emphasis on it.

This time around, it’s not about where I’m going, it’s about how I’m going.

by Jason Lam

TAKE PRIDE IN YOUR WORK

I once showed up at a party and all my friends were wearing my shirts except for me. 

My friend pulled me aside and asked why I’m not wearing my own shirt.

I said I didn’t want to make it seem like it was all about me.

He said, “Sure, but I think it’s important to take pride in your work.”

That stuck with me.

Growing up, I never really brought attention to the things I’ve done.

I never invited anyone to my graduations. I never invited anyone to my high school band concerts. I never invited anyone to my track meets. I didn’t tell anyone of me winning any academic awards. Nothing. I just sort of did what I did and moved on.

I think it’s because I never really figured out how to talk about my achievements without sounding arrogant, so I just don’t say anything at all. 

It’s all a fine balance, I know. 

But perhaps I would benefit from challenging my beliefs and start thinking it’s okay to talk about what I’ve done, to stand up for myself, and most importantly, to take pride in my own work.

Thanks Paul.

by Jason Lam

FALL

There’s something about fall.

That makes me feel as if I’m reborn again.

I know. It doesn’t make sense. After all, the leaves are turning brown, yellow, and orange, and the trees are starting to look a little bare. The temperature’s dropping and I have to layer up because it’s starting to get cold again.

Still.

I think it must have something to do with the feeling that my body actually needs to do something to stay warm. Going outdoors and exercising isn’t as easy because it takes a little more time to warm up. I can’t just hop out of bed and be ready to go. Everything begins to take a little more time.

Or I guess, everything takes a little more work. 

Which, oddly, also makes me feel more alive. 

The contrast between the crisp air and the warmth of the sun keeps my senses heightened, trying to make sense of the change of the seasons. 

I go through my normal daily routines and still my body feels a change in the air.

There’s a shift happening. And I need to pay attention.

And as my body learns to adapt to the changing of the seasons it also reminds me to pay attention to what I am doing with my life.

Where am I? How are my goals? Does anything need to change? Where can I dial back? Where can I add more?

Today, as I sit on my bed and see the sunshine raking across my neighbor’s pale peach-colored house, I am thinking I can dial many things back, and life can be yet, even simpler than I believe.

Eat healthy, spend time with friends, tell those you love that you love them, make art, indulge in some coffee or boba every once in a while, and don’t make things too complicated for myself. Practice non-attachment. Acknowledge when things have done its job and let go. Life is short. But it’s also long enough. There really is no rush. Stop comparing. Because seriously, we’re all pretty damn different. Stay humble. Count your blessings. And be nice.

by Jason Lam

I THINK I'M JUST LONELY

End of a chapter.

4 years and 500 photos later, it’s time to end my photo series: @ithinkimjustlonely.

It’s not that I’m no longer lonely. Or that I no longer feel feelings of emptiness at times. But I feel it’s time to move on.

I created this series during a time of struggle. It was during a time when I felt all wasn’t going right. I couldn’t land a secure job. All my attempts at becoming a photographer seemed to fail. I didn’t feel supported by my family. I didn’t feel understood by my peers.

Still, I didn’t know that loneliness had become a real problem in my life until I took a real look at the photos that I was taking on my 35mm point and shoot camera. It was an Olympus Stylus Epic given to me by my colleague, which was given to him by his grandmother. I often used this camera for personal work. My non-professional stuff. So naturally, I didn’t think as much when taking these photos, I just captured what I captured.

As I began diving deeper into what was wrong with me, I also began compiling more of these photos. These pictures were telling me something. They were deeper looks into parts of myself that even I, myself, was too afraid to acknowledge. Until, one day, I thought to myself, I think I’m just lonely.

Which made sense, to be quite honest. I really was lonely. Unfortunately, I didn’t really know who to turn to. In many ways, I felt ashamed. And I guess, in a way, I was in denial.

Why? After all, should someone like me feel so damn sorry for himself? Suck it up! Deal with it! I’d think to myself. And I tried. But loneliness is not something you can just ignore. No matter how many different ways I tried to distract myself, the feeling of emptiness always remained. It eats you up from the inside out. Affecting any and all things in your life. So much to the point where you can’t even enjoy your food, and you don’t even want to hang out with your friends. You just feel like doing absolutely nothing.

I thought the only way to alleviate the pain would be to face it forthrightly.

So I named the series @ithinkimjustlonely.

At first thought, many people questioned me. What the hell? They’d say. Many people wondered why I’d choose a name like that. Others laughed as if it was a joke. But I stuck to it because I felt like at this point, there was no other way to move forth but to admit to the reality of the situation.

Even though I felt self-conscious about it for the first few years, I began to realize the benefits of having this series. To me, it almost felt like a container. A designated place where you could go to come to terms with your emotions. After all, we have wastebaskets for our garbage, we have gyms where we can go and work out, we even have night clubs for people to go and party. But where do we go when we feel sad? For me, this series became that place that I could run to.

As I continued, I started to recognize that perhaps beyond its benefits for me, it could stand for something more. On the rare occasions where I could have deeper talks with my friends, I noticed that they, too, suffered from loneliness, anxiety, even depression. So this series began to symbolize not just my inner struggles with loneliness, but as an entire project dedicated to exploring these oft never talked about feelings, but nevertheless real, and hopefully, to make others feel like they are a little less alone as well.

So I continued.

Now, I’ve gotten to the point where I feel I must move on. As artists, we create things often because there is something we have to say, or there are feelings that we must put somewhere. In many ways, art is therapy. In my case, photography became my therapy. It gave me an outlet. It forced me to look at the reality of my situation and to come to terms with it all. I needed this project to exist. It has helped me move forward in life regardless of the pain that I feel.

The reason I feel it’s time to move on is because even though I still struggle with feelings of loneliness, I’ve also grown so much throughout the years. I’ve become a different person. I’ve also learned different ways of coping with my darker emotions. And so, if I am to continue working on this series, in a way, I’d be holding myself back. Because to continue this series, would be to continue identifying with these feelings. As much as the series has helped me when I first began, it almost feels like a weight holding me back at this point. I’m thankful for its existence. I’m grateful for all it has done for me. Though, I must move on if I am to continue growing into the man that I was meant to be. And that means having the courage to let go.

So this is the end. I hope that by being a part of this series, you were able to gain something from it as well. I hope it made you feel less alone. I hope you feel less ashamed of your darker emotions. And I hope it helped you get out of bed and move through another day.

It’s okay to be sad. It’s okay to feel lonely at times. It’s also okay to open up. It’s okay to let yourself feel those emotions. It’s also okay to let others in on the pain you are feeling. You are never truly alone.

I don’t know what the future brings. But I know that it’s just time to let go.

So, I guess this is goodbye, for now.

by Jason Lam

SINK INTO YOURSELF

Instead of reaching out

See what sinks in

Instead of constantly searching

Stop

And do nothing

You might find

That whatever it is that you are searching for

Will eventually end up finding you

by Jason Lam

EMBRACE YOUR BROKENNESS

You might not be able to find the root cause of your problems. You might not be able to find a good reason as to why you’ve had troubles with your family, your career, your love life. Then again, that doesn’t mean you can’t still find ways to get better. I think there is a danger in having to find the answers to every budding problem before taking action. Almost as if because you can’t find a reason why you’re here, it’s then used as an excuse to do nothing until you’ve “figured it out”. Aka procrastination. The reality is if you’ve waited until you know everything, you’ve probably waited too long, and regardless of how much you know, you will never know enough. We’re going to have to keep taking hits along this journey we call life and accept that there are some things that will never stop hurting. Get going. We’re all broken.

by Jason Lam