I think it’s a beautiful thing to share your work with the world. To go out on a limb and create without inhibition. I know it’s scary. But I also think it’s worth the risk. Because you never know how your work can benefit others. In the worst case scenario you can be completely ignored. But in the best case scenario you could save a life, or the entire world. You need to keep going.
I need to keep going.
by Jason Lam
If you feel yourself evolving, it is in your best interest to let it happen and take you where it will. Be it a new hobby, a new hairstyle, moving to a new country, or simply buying new clothes. I say follow your evolution wherever it goes because no matter how odd, embarrassing, or out of the blue it may seem, this is your body exploring new lands and reaching beyond its comfort zone in order to grow into its highest potential.
Those who love us most may think the new horizons you’re exploring are too weird, out of the ordinary, or even irresponsible. They may feel compelled to stop you and keep you right where you are. Our environments act very much like the clothes you wear on a daily basis. They hold your identity in place and remind you of who you are and the role you play in society. But when the time comes to shed your skin and evolve into who you must become next, you must have the courage to stay true to yourself, even if that means leaving the people that care about you most.
Take into account all the things you’ve collected throughout your journey and reassess whether or not those things still serve you. Often times you will find many of the things you hold onto have already achieved their purpose, and you are more than ready to let them go and move on. Like an old sweater, I encourage the disposing of old items, ways of thought, and surroundings to make room for things that better suit who you are now and who you are to become.
I have been feeling an immense change in myself. I realized I have been clinging onto negative thought patterns that have only served to hold me back. I was, in a way, addicted to my own self-loathing. I was never good enough, and therefore, not good enough for others as well. I didn’t love myself, and as a result, I also never allowed myself to be loved. I expected and accepted disappointment with open arms. Opportunities came my way, and I’d push them away. People came my way, and I wouldn’t let them in. Happiness was constantly beyond my grasp. I was convinced life never gave me a chance when in reality I just never gave myself a chance.
These thoughts no longer serve me.
Nor do the physical manifestations of these thoughts.
In order to move on, I had to go through all the emotional baggage I collected in my life. I shone a light at all the problems I’ve been running away from, the terrible coping habits I’ve formed, to the dystopian world I built around it. I began breaking down these walls by forgiving those who hurt me in the past. I also forgave myself for the mistakes I made, along with the mistakes I will continue to make in the future. I let go of notions of having to be flawless and began acknowledging the possibility that despite all my imperfections, I am enough.
This wasn’t easy, but avoiding my anger, my damage, and my grief wasn’t getting me anywhere. I had to face them head-on. I had to spend time in the dark. Alone. Asking questions I couldn’t find the answers to. Feeling helpless. But it was only by acknowledging the pain that I was then able to finally let go and move on. Perhaps you, too, will have to spend some time alone to make sense of all your disappointments and upsets in order for your metamorphosis to truly take shape.
Nobody else can do this for you.
When you sum up the courage to face your demons and let go of the things that no longer serve you, a new space will be created. And it is in this space where you will grow into the person you were always meant to become.
Your body will begin to react.
As I began growing into the greater version of myself, my body began to form a different relationship with the physical world around me. My clothes. My hair. My car. The conversations I was having. The weather. The food. The way I rolled out of bed. The way my feet hit the pavement. Everything began to feel different and that was because I was now operating in an environment associated with a world that had a sadder, more insecure and fearful me that no longer exists.
I was evolving.
I donated my old clothing, sold my furniture, and redesigned my entire living situation. With this new space I created for myself, I began taking photographs the way I wanted. I began dancing the way I wanted. I began wearing the clothes I wanted. Most importantly, I began allowing myself to be myself and live the way I’ve always wanted to live.
Letting go is not wasteful, nor is it neglect or giving up. Letting go can be a powerful act of acknowledging all the invaluable lessons you’ve learned from the people, places, and things that have come into your life. Let go with pride. Let go with confidence. Let go with the understanding and respect that though you may have outgrown certain things in your life, these very things, even the darker periods in your life, are what prepared you for this very moment to grow and prosper.
We are ever-changing and evolving in more ways than our physical manifestations can perhaps keep up. Evolution is not about finding a final resting place where we can finally sit back and relax, but about cultivating a habit of allowing oneself to change as our mind and bodies call for it. Sometimes these changes may feel difficult because we’re forced to face inner demons that we’d much rather avoid or it requires physical changes that might clash with our immediate environments. There is a reason why we fuss over little details like the color of our bathroom walls; it’s because deep down we know the greater impact our physical environment has further down the chain of events from mind, to body, to our entire lives.
Life takes so many twists and turns. Evolution can feel like a filthy mess. But when it comes to growing into our most authentic selves, I truly believe that deep down, our body already knows. We just have to listen to it.
by Jason Lam
You're missing out.
Every time you choose to look this way and not that way, you are missing out.
Every time you go here instead of there, you are missing out.
Any decisions you make in life, you are missing out on other opportunities waiting just around the corner.
What to do about it?
Deal with it.
You know what you came here for, so go out and get it.
Who cares about the missed opportunities? You don’t want them anyway.
The only other alternative would be to be so concerned with FOMO that you never make a decision in the first place.
You chose to be here.
Stop acting like you’re so surprised.
by Jason Lam
I have this unnecessary burden – when I feel like what I’m doing isn’t bettering humanity in some way, I start to stress out. I feel like I’m not good enough and deal with many sleepless nights because of … Well, nothing, really.
It’s quite stupid when I think about it. You know, stressing over the fact that maybe the words I write aren’t good enough, or the YouTube videos I make aren’t funny enough, or the fact that I am just not a superhero despite my superhero intentions.
If I could, I would free all people from unhealthy relationships, make sure every child grows up with positive role models, and release the shackles of all those who slave their entire lives away in these obnoxious things we call cubicles. But I can’t. And it stresses me out because I can see the fatigue and loneliness in the faces of my peers. It pains me that I can only do a little, but maybe I need to relax.
I watched Deadpool a couple months back (awesome movie). I was enlightened by the ending, when Deadpool finally has his archenemy, Ajax, in his hands and is ready to kill him for all of eternity … Until Colossus steps in with an incredibly insightful speech.
“Four or five moments. That’s all it takes to be a hero. Everybody thinks it’s a full-time job. Wake up a hero. Brush your teeth a hero. Go to work a hero. Not true.”
That struck a chord in me because I felt like I had to be good all the time. I felt like I had to do good all the time. I felt all these feelings of good intention, only to hate myself because I realize how much of a flawed human being I really am and, unfortunately, will probably always be.
But I realize there’s nothing wrong with that.
And when I accept how I will never be the superhero I’ve always wanted to be, I finally get to be free and do simple things like go about the day not saving the world and not feel bad about it.
Because superheroes don’t have to be good, all of the time.
In fact, I’ve come to believe that this makes for a better superhero. One that allows an individual to give into one’s inherent vices every once in a while for the sake of doing better when he needs to. It’s a part of my journey that my inner perfectionist left out of the final screenplay of life, but I’ve now penciled it back in.
I stopped being so hard on myself.
Nowadays, when I wake up in the morning and look at myself in the mirror, I say to myself, “Relax, you don’t have to save the world… all of the time.”
by Jason Lam
Forget passion.
Just do something, and you will find passion along the way.
Passion does not have to be a prerequisite for taking action.
I can't say I was passionate about photography when I first started. I was just curious, and then I grew passionate about it later on.
One thing I've learned is the better you get at something, the more passionate you'll become.
Stop searching, and just do something.
by Jason Lam
I still don’t like the word “passion.” I still think it’s a loaded word, but everybody still seems bent on finding it, so here we go:
1) What conversations do you enjoy having? The types of conversations we want to have determine the types of friends we make, the work we do, and ultimately, the person we become and the contribution we make to the world. I particularly enjoy having conversations about why people do the things they do and how a greater understanding of the self can lead to a better life.
2) If you were stuck on Mars with 30 days left of food, what would you say to everyone? Funny how a life or death situation can remind ourselves what truly matters. What would you say? And how could you apply what you are saying to your own life?
3) What topic could you read 1,000 books on? Take a look at your bookshelf. Are there any reoccurring subjects? Maybe you’ve already read 1,000 books on a certain topic without even knowing it. What topics do you find yourself returning to and wanting to learn more about?
4) What’s the overarching theme between all the things you’ve been doing and all the goals you’ve been making? Take out a piece of paper. Write it down. Create a map. How does it all link back up to each other? If you look back far enough, perhaps you’ll find that everything all connects to one overarching goal.
5) What would you regret not pursuing when laying on your deathbed? I know. A little hard to imagine. This question is even a little borderline cliché but only because it’s very helpful. What would you regret? Maybe that’s precisely what you need to do.
6) What do you want your future self to look like? Take 10 minutes to fantasize what a day in your perfect life would look like. Start in the morning, and describe everything you do in detail from the moment you wake up. Where are you? Who are you with? How are you spending your day? Now, read over what you wrote. How does this future self differ from who you are now? What can you do today so this future self can one day become your present self?
7) What would you do for free? You may find that you’re already doing what you’re passionate about without even noticing it. This often happens because some of us might think that passion must be a burning desire you feel when you wake up every morning. It doesn’t have to be. It can just be something you enjoy without even getting paid for it. Maybe you really like baking, offering words of advice to friends in need, or telling stories. So ask yourself, are you already doing it?
8) What work were you doing the last time you forgot time altogether? In psychology, there is a term called “Flow.” Or in other words, “being in the zone;” a state of complete absorption in an activity where time flies. Right off the top of my head, it’s when I’m writing, performing and teaching. How about you?
9) How do you want to feel when you wake up in the morning? Much of how we feel in the present is determined by what we have in store for the future. What do you look forward to? What do you want to look forward to?
10) What do you miss? As we grow older, there are more and more things we let go of for the purpose of becoming an “adult.” Sometimes, this type of thinking forces us to let go of things we otherwise would have very much wanted to hold onto. I miss high school band. I miss playing music. I miss being part of a team. I miss the camaraderie. I miss having a coach. And I’ll share a secret, when I was a kid, my dream was to be a rock star.
If it makes you feel any better, whatever you’re searching for is also searching for you. Sometimes you just need to open yourself up to the things that are already trying to find a way into your life.
by Jason Lam
You got problems.
So do I.
And when we have problems wearing and tearing away at our lives, we may feel that we must add yet another layer of complexity to our lives. Another dietary supplement. Another workout regime. Another session with a therapist. But there’s no need for that.
Just stop what you’re doing.
Stop the self-deprecation. Stop the addictive habits. Stop repeating the same old mistakes. Stop “should-ing” all over yourself. Just stop.
When you realize you are on the wrong path, the only way to make any more progress is to stop.
Stopping is the gateway to changing.
When you stop, you end the process of deterioration and allow yourself to begin the process of healing.
I’ve been guilty of over-complicating my life as well. I’ve been going through physical rehab, working with a personal trainer and a chiropractor, asking a million questions, overthinking how the hundreds of muscles in my body should be working and not making any progress aside from just tiring myself out, losing sleep, and just becoming a very negative, down and dejected person. This lasted for 5 years. I had to stop.
We don’t begin to solve the many problems in our lives by adding more things to our “to-do” list. We begin by stopping, by saying no to habits that do not serve us, even if that means doing absolutely nothing.
Stop.
Do nothing. But notice that you are still doing something. While it may not seem that way, it is a step toward changing your life for the better. When you stop what you’re doing, you are ending negative habits, ending negative cycles, and instead creating a resting space for your life.
Oftentimes we don’t know what got us here. We’re no longer sure what will satisfy us or what we are looking for. So we think by increasing the number of unnecessary possessions, burying ourselves both physically and mentally in more things will help, but most of the time these extra things just serve to throw us into further disarray. The best way to find out what we really need sometimes is to get rid of what we don’t.
Start by stopping.
Action Step:
Do an inventory check of your life and the things you’ve been doing, thinking about, or stressing over. Then ask yourself, “Does this contribute to my overall happiness? Or would I be better off by stopping what I’m doing?” Start throwing things out like you would an old sweater that is way past its time.
by Jason Lam
Today was a special day.
I sang for the very first time in front of an audience.
That’s right; I sang a song, all by myself.
I’ve been taking voice lessons. It’s something I’ve wanted to do since my teenage years but never got around to because I was scared. I always managed to find an excuse not to go through with it. I noticed fear and staying in your comfort zone makes you really good at that. I also noticed that time doesn’t make your desires go away; it only makes your desires grow stronger, so much to the point where the joy of staying in your comfort zone is no longer worth the pain of not following through. In my case, it took 10 years to get out of my comfort zone and do what I’ve always wanted to do.
“Just because it feels comfortable, doesn’t necessarily mean it’s good for you.”
On the same note, just because something is uncomfortable, doesn’t necessarily mean it’s bad for you.
This bit of knowledge comes from my voice coach, Ellen Robinson, who, despite my limited experience as a singer, I believe is one of the best voice teachers out there. Singing often requires that we reach parts of our voice that may feel a bit uncomfortable. She demonstrated how our normal speaking voice requires rather minimal effort to make a sound and how the ease of regular speaking only covers a limited range of notes. When we sing, we must force ourselves outside of the narrow range we have grown accustomed to and go beyond our comfort zone. It is only by doing so that we can truly tap into the potentials of our voice.
Ellen likens getting out of your comfort zone to building an attic.
First, you have to make the decision to get up there. And when you’ve done so, start by dusting everything out. Then you need to give the walls a fresh coat of paint and start moving in some furniture. Who knows, maybe you can even put up some window curtains and lay out a few pictures. You’re venturing into foreign territory so it may feel a bit intimidating but that’s why you need to build it out slowly. Then you need to hang out there.
When you’re getting out of your comfort zone, you’re essentially creating a new space for yourself. It’s going to feel a bit alien the first couple of times. It requires getting over your fears and inhibitions. On a more tactile note, it is a process, often a very slow process. That’s why you need to keep going up there, going through the necessary steps, and work through your discomforts. Remind yourself that just a tiny bit of progress is still progress. You’ll be surprised to find that eventually, you will have created a new space for yourself in a place you never imagined possible. In fact, you might quite enjoy being up there.
How I built my attic:
I came in on the first day only planning to sit in and observe because I was afraid to commit. Little did I know, I ended up participating, loved it so much, and officially enrolled in the class. Each class started by warming up our voices through a series exercises. Do-Re-Mi-Fa-So. Then came the sheet music. Key signatures. Vocal ranges. More music. And suddenly we’re talking about major and minor thirds, key changes, codas, al codas, triplets, and harmonies. This happened for one hour a week. Before I knew it, there I was singing a solo for the first time in front of a real audience, instead of doing it drunk at a karaoke bar. I was actually singing. This was what building my attic was like. Just one hour a week. Imagine what you could do in an entire lifetime.
I sang “How Little We Know” by Frank Sinatra.
Here is my rendition with all its imperfections:
I share this story with you today because I feel that life provides us with a lot of space to really build something beautiful and magnificent. This space comes in the form of time, and if you are staying in your comfort zone out of fear, then I would like to remind you that you don’t have time to waste. Time passes, and you will get older whether you like it or not. You cannot control that, but whether or not you set out to get what you came here for is up to you.
How far will you reach outside your comfort zone? How many extra rooms and attics will you build inside your home? What will you do with these seconds of opportunities that life provides you every day?
Remind yourself that just because something feels good, doesn’t necessarily mean it’s good for you. In order to reach our best selves, we must be willing to trust the process and do things that absolutely terrify us from time to time. Don’t just get out of your comfort zone -- build out your comfort zone.
by Jason Lam
Following your dreams is not unlike having to get up out your bed and go take a piss in the middle of the night. You don’t want to do it. It’s hard. You’ve already gotten so cozy in bed, and you want it to last forever. So no matter how badly you need to take a piss, you fight back and hold it in. And it actually works. You hold it all in, but eventually you reach a point where the pain and agony of not taking a piss is no longer worth the joy of staying in your bed. The threshold. So you finally roll your out of bed and go. And as the urine spills out of your body, it feels as if a huge weight has been lifted off your shoulders. It wasn’t so bad after all, you think to yourself.
The thing is, like following your dreams, you know you’re going to have to go take a piss anyway, so all this time and effort put into delaying the inevitable is just time wasted. And I feel like that’s just how life goes. You grow up with all these dreams and aspirations, but along the way you find yourself a comfortable hole to crawl into. Whether you like it or not, you stay there regardless of your true desires. Perhaps the trick is to never get too comfortable, and by doing so you allow yourself a fighting chance at getting what you came here for.
Luckily for you, your dreams aren’t just waste matter your body needs to get rid of. Your dreams are the good stuff, the nutrients our bodies yearn for and work hard to cling onto. And that’s what you need to do. You need to work hard and hold onto what’s good, not just what’s comfortable. Because if you don’t, you’re essentially flushing yourself down the toilet, and you know what else gets flushed down the toilet? Shit. And you’re not a piece of shit. You’re a fucking super hero that needs to get your lazy ass out of bed and take the midnight piss.
by Jason Lam
