I have this unnecessary burden – when I feel like what I’m doing isn’t bettering humanity in some way, I start to stress out. I feel like I’m not good enough and deal with many sleepless nights because of … Well, nothing, really.
It’s quite stupid when I think about it. You know, stressing over the fact that maybe the words I write aren’t good enough, or the YouTube videos I make aren’t funny enough, or the fact that I am just not a superhero despite my superhero intentions.
If I could, I would free all people from unhealthy relationships, make sure every child grows up with positive role models, and release the shackles of all those who slave their entire lives away in these obnoxious things we call cubicles. But I can’t. And it stresses me out because I can see the fatigue and loneliness in the faces of my peers. It pains me that I can only do a little, but maybe I should let up a little.
I watched Deadpool a couple months back (awesome movie). I was enlightened by the ending, when Deadpool finally has his archenemy, Ajax, in his hands and is ready to kill him for all of eternity … Until Colossus steps in with an incredibly insightful speech.
“Four or five moments. That’s all it takes to be a hero. Everybody thinks it’s a full-time job. Wake up a hero. Brush your teeth a hero. Go to work a hero. Not true.”
That struck a chord in me because I felt like I had to be good all the time. I felt like I had to do good all the time. I felt all these feelings of good intention, only to hate myself because I realize how much of a flawed human being I really am and, unfortunately, will probably always be.
But I realize there’s nothing wrong with that.
And when I accept how I will never be the superhero I’ve always wanted to be, I will finally get to be free and do simple things like go about the day not saving the world and not feel bad about it.
Because superheroes don’t have to be good, all of the time.
In fact, I’ve come to believe that this makes for a better superhero. One that allows an individual to give into one’s inherent vices every once in a while for the sake of doing better when he needs to. It’s a part of my journey that my inner perfectionist left out of the final screenplay of life, but I’ve now penciled it back in.
I stopped being so hard on myself.
Nowadays, when I wake up in the morning and look at myself in the mirror, I say to myself, “Relax, you don’t have to save the world… all of the time.”
by Jason Lam